Why do I keep reacting this way?

Listen, when you ask "Why do I keep reacting this way?" you're asking one of the most important questions ever. "This way"—responding with emotions that feel too big for the situation—is evidence that your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep you safe by remembering past threats when similar cues appear in the present.

Your brain has filed away every experience where you felt overwhelmed, frightened, or powerless. When something in the present reminds your brain of those past experiences—maybe it's a tone of voice, a feeling of being dismissed, or a situation where you feel powerless—your brain pulls the alarm. The reaction you have isn't about now; it's about then.

Here's what's true: your feelings make perfect sense when you understand they're carrying information from your whole life experience, not just this moment. The strength of your reaction isn't about the current situation—it's about all the times you've felt this way before, stacked up and calling for your attention.

This is where developing what I call Elastic Emotions becomes crucial. You're not trying to get rid of these strong reactions—they're part of your protection system. Instead, you're learning to recognize when your brain is pulling from the past and learning how to turn the volume up and down on those feelings based on the past that show up in the present. You want more choices about how you experience “now.”

The good news is that when you practice positive experiences, install good memories, and strengthen feelings like peace, contentment, or protection, you give your brain more responses from which you can choose. You're expanding the library of choices.

Remember, the fact that you're asking this question means you're already developing self-awareness, which is the foundation of self-regulation. You're noticing the pattern, which is the first step in expanding your power to choose different responses. Be patient with yourself as you practice— you're learning to use your emotional protection system more skillfully. That’s all. Just learning.