It’s still about… the Turkeys

Look, you know as well as I do that some of the turkeys don’t have feathers (though at least one of these has a pretty good wattle).

How are you going to manage the high risk of exposure to those turkeys with spurs and long beards? Hide? Why should you live in misery and fear when it looks like they’re enjoying the event that terrifies you? Explode? Why should you give that much real estate to them? Implode? That only hurts you.

Realistically, when you change your boundaries with others--especially those with whom you have an issue--they don’t like it. It’s change. It requires people to do things differently to relieve the chafing. So recognize it’s uncomfortable for everyone.

Think about the “triggers” at holidays. What are the sights, sounds, tastes, touches, and smells that take you back to hard times? Shucks, if I can remember what sets me off I am halfway to the point of not reacting to it. When you’re calm, make a list.

Prioritize them: 1, 2, 3 from strongest to least strong. They can’t all be ones. If they are, you might want to stay home (and still work on this). Identify the top three you want to tend to.

Plan how you’ll respond to the top three, one by one. Consider phrases and actions like these.

Your slimy relative starts towards you. You put out your hand like a stop sign, and say, “No, sorry. Not available for hugs or touch today.” Shrug your shoulders and walk in the other direction. Go somewhere where there is only one chair and sit. Breathe.

Someone says one of those phrases you hate. Identify who is most likely to say it. Imagine looking at them when they do, staring quizzically, and saying something like this, “Wow. Really?” Or “Sorry, I don’t speak English.” (Yes, my mother did a version of that to a man speaking English and he bought it!). Shrug and walk away.

The big thing is this (changing metaphors): Fish don’t get caught if they don’t bite the bait. In the turkey world, turkeys don’t end up on the dining room table if they don’t get caught.

Don’t bite and stay off the table. No need to lose your peace over their stuff.