Just how much should I tolerate at work?

Oh, yeah. This’ll raise some eyebrows! Some folks will say “Nothing. No BS, no crap from work.” Others will say, “whatever it takes to pay the bills.” Did you know that one way in which traumatic events affect many is what’s called “black-and-white” thinking? This “all or nothing” pattern is common.

When you’re adjusting that impact, one of the skills learning to find, tolerate, and embrace is that there are always more positions on the dial along with “on” and “off,” zero and 100.

If growing up was tough, if you’re in a difficult relationship now, if you work for someone who seems to be a tyrant, look first at your own ability to name, tolerate, and tame difficult feelings. You need spots along the dial, maybe in increments of ten for (at least) the big three--mad, sad, and glad.

If you’re unable to tolerate any challenge, conflict, or distress, then you can’t tolerate anything at work and will go into fight or flight. In either case, your chances of a CKM (career-killing move) are high. The other person will be wrong. You will see yourself as the victim. This is really true if you are unable to even feel these feelings. After all, you can’t name what you don’t experience.

Don’t tolerate too much--work shouldn’t break you. You do, however, need to be sturdy enough to tolerate the usual discomforts that can come with work that are part of learning, figuring things out, and working for or with others. Developing Elastic Emotions is part of Trauma Responsive Emotional Intelligence, without regard for individual histories. You can change the setting on the dial…